Our first was born Nov 17th 2015, it was a very fast birth. We got to the hospital a little after midnight and he was born at 4:11am with only 40 minutes of active labor. I had a 1st degree tear with him due to the student doctor putting her hands inside me and yanking down and she used forceps and slipped on his head making the most traumatizing sound so the real doctor shoved her out of the way and proceeded to help. The delievery was fast and I still don’t know why they tried assisting a normal birth other than the fact that it was a school hospital and they needed the training.
That was my first. Now in May of 2017 I had a miscarriage at 7w3d. We went in to hear we had no heartbeat, words you would never wish on anyone to hear but it happens to you. I miscarried my baby naturally at home on May 17th. Went in to check and make sure all was well and it was. We wanted to try again but never thought we would get pregnant as fast as we did, we conceived our rainbow in July of 2017, just after 1 cycle.
So our rainbow had an due date of April 1st 2018, we were beyond thrilled. My OB wanted me on progesterone just in case that was the issue with the last. I had a small subchoronic hemorrhage at around 12 weeks. I cried nonstop that morning when I woke up to find I was bleeding and I had a huge clot, I share this because all of this is part of our story. So with my first it was a super easy pregnancy, I only gained 6lbs with him and pregnancy is great on me and so was labor and he is such a wonderful baby. But this pregnancy was already different, I was worried non stop I was going to have another miscarriage, worried I’d hear those same words “there’s no heartbeat” worried non stop, but I still rocked pregnancy up until around 36 weeks it started hitting me hard. We found out we were having baby boy #2 which we already had a name picked out when our first was like a month old.
So around 36 weeks I started noticing more discomfort than before and was worried that I’d have a preterm baby so always worried this pregnancy it seemed like plus he started to measure slightly bigger than his gestation. Come 38 weeks my doctor kept saying every appt he doubt I’d last any longer. It was Tuesday April 3rd I had a doctors appt to check me again, I was now 40w2d pregnant. He said the same thing at every appointment but this time was a little different. My water broke and he still kept saying I was having a big baby, he guessed between 8-9lbs. He was worried that morning that I’d tear really bad or that I would need a c section due to his size. He wanted me to go in right away by the time we were done it was noon and I said we will go home and let my 2yr old take his nap. Contractions started around 2pm, at 3pm I said it’s time to go, so we arrived around 3:15pm and contractions were consistent and starting to get bad but I was still cracking jokes. 45 min later I asked for an epidural, mind you my first was all natural nothing used at all, and this one I wanted the same but this pain was nothing like my first. At 5pm they checked me and I was at a 7 and screaming for the epidural. A few minutes later I needed to use the restroom and when I was going I felt so much pain in my bum bottom area, when I wiped a little blood so they said get back on bed we will check you again. I just sat on bed and said I need to push. They said do what your body wants this was at 5:30pm. Doctor just sat down I pushed and out flies my water breaking. Wow lol it shot over her shoulder, she then looked up at me and said push when you are ready. I was screaming and crying and begging for an epidural I was in so much pain. But I was too far progressed for anything I did two little pushes and his head was out. I could feel my butthole expanding like protruding out of me it felt like. She said next contraction give me 3 strong pushes and I immediately started pushing even though I wasn’t having a contraction because I thought I heard her say to do it and I gave one massive push and I literally blew him out of me. He shot out like what you see in the Doritos commercial 🤣 and she caught him. INSTANT RELIEF!! He was born at 5:38pm and weighed 8lbs4.5oz and was 21″. I had him on my chest and started our bonding, but wait there’s more. I barely felt like I pushed my placenta out it just flopped out, I was like well that was easy and now I know why it was easy.
So my OB looks up at me and said I need to start stitching you, but before I start I need to numb the area, I was like “why? Do I really need it, I don’t want unnecessary stitching” She looked up at me and with sadness in her eyes she said “oh yes hun, you really have to have this, you need it” so I of course asked why. And she said you tore really bad and you are losing a lot of blood, I said what degree is my tear, she said a 4th , WHAT I never even heard of a tear like that, what is it so she explained while numbing me and instant tears. Once she started numbing me was like total misery, will I ever be the same, I have a gapping hole down there, will my husband still love me the list goes on. I asked my mom to look to tell me if it was bad as my husband couldn’t do it. I said be honest she goes oh wow hun, that’s really bad. Once she was done she explained what it was and how deep it was, most I forgot due to the trauma in place but the pain was excruciating!
I spent 2 days in the hospital, I forced myself to get up and moving around a few hours after birth, just a little not a lot, day 2 I made a trio outside and we left but the first 2 weeks were the worst. I continued to breastfeed during it all, which I do think that helped my healing honestly.
I messed up on my pain meds and was taking them too soon not realizing that I was and around day 10 I said somethings wrong, I kept wrapping myself and I couldn’t stay awake, then I realized I was so drugged up from the pain meds so I stopped them immediately and just took the stool softener. So for a while after I was having issues with keeping my bowels under control. But overall it was painful and some bowel issues which is normal. I am now 8 weeks postpartum and just went in at 7 weeks and she said I’m completely healed! I do have some issues with queefing, or rolling from the back to the front and not always hold my gas. But I hear overtime it will go away.
What I hope people gain from this is understanding that tears like this are possible, you are not alone and you can heal from this. You can be happy again, believe me I never thought I would, I cried non stop the first 3 weeks of my son’s life that I’ll never get back. Those first 3 weeks are a blur, I missed too much with him. And I’m already excited about having another baby again one day and as long as everything goes as planned, I plan on another vaginal delivery. Thank you for reading my story.
April Ott ~ Ohio, USA